|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| |
| Forum Category:
Q & A |
| View Postings
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Topic
|
Originator |
Date
Posted
|
|
| Does she know him better? |
|
By:
Anonymous
Female,
Age: 33
|
|
1/21/2010 1:43:17 PM |
When my husband ended his affair, the woman was very upset. One of the messages she left on his phone was, "She doesn't know you like I do". This hurt so much because I can't accept that this person who I didn't even know could know my husband more than me. I know that he knew her for years, since he was her basketball coach at one time. According to him, the affair went on for about three years. Before that, he says, they just kept in touch, as friends. He says she always had a boyfriend, since high school when he was her coach. She cheated on her boyfriend with my husband for most of those three years. I think that is why she chose to let me know about the affair. She no longer had the boyfriend.
Could she know him better than me? If she did, I would figure he would want to be with her if that was the case. He says she does not know him better than I do. |
|
|
|
|
Reply Posted By:
Stuart Kaplowitz, MFT
-
Male, Age: 42, Chino, California
Date Posted:
1/21/2010 2:22:25 PM
|
Stuart Kaplowitz, MFT
|
I am so sorry A. That must be painful. My hunch is that she called and said this because 1) she still hoped to continue a relationship with him and, of course, if she could push you away / make you angry enough to leave, she would have control back. 2) She may also want to get back at him for ending the relationship. The reality is she probably believed she knew your husband better; this is her way of trying to justify the relationship (i.e., "I can then offer him more than you because I know him better) BUT does not make it true. Please ask him to couples counseling to help address the pain caused and how to best move forward. You need and deserve that support and he needs to learn ways to more appropriately get his needs met. Good luck! Stuart www.encouragingyourlife.com |
|
|
|
Reply Posted By:
Eris Huemer, MA
-
Female, Los Angeles, California
Date Posted:
1/21/2010 4:27:31 PM
|
Eris Huemer, MA
|
Hello. First of all, I am so sorry that you are going through this. It sounds like the "other woman" is trying to manipulate your husband back in to a relationship with her. I know that this is easier said than done, but try to ignore her paniced message and focus on you and making yourself stronger through this.
One of the most challenging experience that one can go through in a relationship is when their partner has an affair. But, the good news is that you can break through this difficult time and make your relationship stronger than ever. It is important for you to ask your husband burning questions that you are having and for him to give honest answers.
I suggest that the two of you go to couples counseling. I work with couples and individuals who go through experiences like you are everyday. I believe that it is important for you to stay in the solution of where you and your husband want your relationship to go. If you want to stay together and grow together through this time, you can.
I hope this helps. Eris Huemer, M.A. eris@loveeris.com |
|
|
|
Reply Posted By:
Anonymous
-
Female
Date Posted:
1/21/2010 5:42:39 PM
|
Anonymous
|
I''m sorry to hear you''re going through this pain.
While I don''t know this woman or what transpired between her and your husband for those 3 years, my gut is telling me that she is trying to manipulate you and the situation so that you''ll be hurt enough to leave your relationship. She is hurt that your husband chose to reconcile and work on your marriage, than to leave you and maintain the affair with her. She''s looking for closure and is going about it the wrong way.
I would encourage you to erase any messages, emails or texts this woman attempts to send you or your husband from this point forward. I would also encourage you and your husband to NOT read any future correspondence from this woman. When she realizes that she isn''t getting a reaction from you, she will learn that this manipulative behavior won''t get her what she wants and she''ll stop.
You may even (if you aren''t already) consider getting counseling for you and your husband together so that you can overcome this affair and move forward. I wish you the best of luck!
Jodi Blackley, MFT |
|
|
|
Reply Posted By:
Jodi Blackley, MFT
-
Female, Brea, California
Date Posted:
1/21/2010 5:45:22 PM
|
Jodi Blackley, MFT
|
I''''m sorry to hear you''''re going through this pain.
While I don''''t know this woman or what transpired between her and your husband for those 3 years, my gut is telling me that she is trying to manipulate you and the situation so that you''''ll be hurt enough to leave your relationship. She is hurt that your husband chose to reconcile and work on your marriage, than to leave you and maintain the affair with her. She''''s looking for closure and is going about it the wrong way.
I would encourage you to erase any messages, emails or texts this woman attempts to send you or your husband from this point forward. I would also encourage you and your husband to NOT read any future correspondence from this woman. When she realizes that she isn''''t getting a reaction from you, she will learn that this manipulative behavior won''''t get her what she wants and she''''ll stop.
You may even (if you aren''''t already) consider getting counseling for you and your husband together so that you can overcome this affair and move forward. I wish you the best of luck!
Jodi Blackley, MFT
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
 |
|
|